Life Happened

Delaying all of my new posts for a week.

Hey, better a shitty post like this than wondering what the fuck happened, right?

Expect a new Masturbation Monday on April 2, 2018. No bullshit this time.


Reworking My Blogging Schedule

Wow I haven’t posted here in a while, have I?

My apologies, dearies. You’d think that an object-head cyborg would be more than capable of staying on top of a project like this, but alas, despite my technological endowments, I am still only human.

Thus, I have come up with a new blog schedule that I will (hopefully) be able to keep to. But, just to cover my ass (not that I want to, it’s a FINE ass), I make no promises.

So in order to be prolific with my writings and to cater to all of my (and hopefully your) interests, I will now be blogging on all but one day of the week! I’ve even come up with clever little themes for each one, which I will explain what they are in more detail when I get to them, but for now, you’ll just have to guess! ;p

The schedule is as follows:

Masturbation Monday

TMI Tuesday


Fanart Friday


SFW Sunday


This will leave me with Thorsdays off to go drool over Chris Hemsworth’s mighty pecs, and fantasize about his…, uh, HAMMER! Yeah, that thick, shiny hammer! That’s totally what I meant to say!

Okay, I better get to work, have fun, huns! Look forward to my first new blog post on Monday, the 26th!








(Good God, that was embarrassing!)

So What Am I Up To?

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, so obviously I’ve been working on a lot of stuff and got a lot done, right?

Oh ho ho ho, I wish that were the case.

Truth is, I’ve been languishing away, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, most, if not all, of my plans have gone to shit, and I’m in full blown panic mode.

It’s not fun.

So in a rare moment of clarity, I decided that those precious few of you who make an effort to follow me should probably know what I’ve been up to between the all of 5 or so tweets I’ve made over the past month or so.

So here goes:

I’m am writing the last four installments of my sexercises essay miniseries, because I promised I’d finish it and because it’s factual knowledge that needs to get out into the open, especially for penile exercises, because so much misinformation surrounds the topic.

I’m writing kinky fanfiction, because 1) why not? And 2) it’s an excuse for me to write adult fiction and get popular for it quick and easy so that I have a nice fanbase started up when I start writing smut based off of original ideas that I have. The first part of my first Kink-based fanfic is already done, I just need to finish transcribing it to the computer, where’ I’ll edit it, chop it up into chapters, and slowly feed the lot of you hot kinky lemons one week at a time while begging for cash, because that’s the thing to do these days, right? #ISoundSoFuckingOldRightNow

I’m doing shit for adult games. This is actually multi-faceted, because I love video games, and I love sex. Finding that people love those two things also and combining them together? Fucking nirvana. And I don’t mean the band that wrote Smells Like Teen Spirit. So what this subset in my life is split up into is as follows:

I’m writing a review of a mobile game; mainly because I don’t care enough for it to do a video on this particular game, and I don’t know how to capture images and/or video from a smart phone screen yet. The key word here being “yet”, just in case I do run into a mobile game that I’ll want to do a video review on.

I’m going to do an all-encompassing video review of one creator’s work. They specialize in making short visual novels that are all about just giving you masturbation material, and they haven’t made that many yet, so making a video talking about all the games they’ve made so far should be short, sweet, and to the point. Also, you may be wondering: “How to you plan on releasing these videos? YouTube’s run by Puritans, remember?” Well, yes it is, but I’m not the only person who’s thought of reviewing porn. Enter Cinema Snob, who sometimes reviews porn parodies such as what I’ll be doing. The catch? My YouTube content will have to be heavily censored and age-locked (meaning you’ll HAVE to be logged in on an account that claims that you’re over 18/21.), but to get around that I’ll be posting the non-censored videos on places like PornHub for you to enjoy.
If you know any place where I can post such videos, please don’t be shy; let me know on any of my social media places/email.

I’m going to make a video series centered on doing things like doing Let’s Plays of adult-themed games and critically evaluating adult-themed art and whatnot. My first Let’s Play videos should hit PornHub once I’m done recording and editing it. It will obviously not have a face cam on it, because of reasons (you try recording a computer monitor that moves like a human head sometime), but as someone who’s seen tons of Let’s Play videos, I know for a fact that it’s not necessary for the enjoyment of the video.

I’m working on my own naughty adult RPG game. While Yoyo Game Maker’s (The engine that made Undertale) Terms of Use policy keeps me from making porn games with it (bloody limey bastards and your legal shit), there are no such caveats with RPGMaker, so Imma abuse the hell out of that using the same sort of kinky shit I’ll be putting into my fanfics, just with an original story and premise.

So I guess you could say the main reason why nothing’s finished is because 1) I’ve been procrastinating, and 2) I’ve been multitasking, and it’s been taking me a while to finish any one of these, let alone all of them. Hell, I’ve only started working on my game this past week.

Now, regarding my Patreon page: As I’ve mentioned before, I’m taking down the tiers for now until there’s enough of a demand that I’ll bring them back; but for now, I don’t want to be blind-sided by someone purchasing a tier that I’m not yet ready to take on. So until that point, just leave me a dollar on Patreon, if you want to leave more cash, I’ll be making a PayPal account so you can donate a lot more.

So that should cover my bases for now. I’ll try to have another update for you guys this Sunday, but given my track record, I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

Later, dearies!

I’m Not Dead, I Promise!

TL;DR I promise I’m not dead, I just had an interesting time the past couple of months.


So you may have noticed that I haven’t really posted anything in the past couple of months and you’re probably wondering why. Between looking for a proper job, not getting my projects done within the time frame that I’ve wanted, and being discouraged by my lack of weight loss and proper body sculpting, I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed and I fell into the common procrastinator’s trap of, “Oh, I’ll just do it tomorrow,” only to find that I’ve been overdue for an essay for a long ass time. Oops.

But worry not, dear readers, as I have a small batch of good news for you.

First, I’d like to announce that I finally got a new job as a sort of construction worker! I’m not going into much more detail than that, as once again my Prime Directive for the time being is to protect the identity of my Creator, but this should help me with a couple of goals: first it’ll help me lose weight; working outside and building shit will do that to you. Secondly, it’ll help me work up a more regular schedule that I can stick to and do the things that I want to do outside of work, like write essays and fanfiction.

Speaking of which, that brings me to my second bit of news: There’s going to be a small change in format. This isn’t something that’s either good or bad, but it’s something that I feel is necessary. You see, when I started this blog, the idea was to write essays and then use those essays as a script for my YouTube channel. As you can plainly see, that hasn’t happened, because I don’t think it’s a model I can follow. Writing essays takes something out of me. I am both figuratively and literally pouring my soul into each and everything that I write, and essays take more out of me than any other form of literature. Not to mention, by the time I’ve written up a script and ready to record my melodious synthesized voice box onto a video, everyone had already moved on. I’ve wanted to do commentaries on Bill Nye Saves the World, the Equinox LGBT video, and, most recently, the video that was put up just under a week ago about parents talking to their kids about masturbation. Much like The Room and Food Fight, reviewing certain movies has just become passé unless you have the proper fanbase for it. So instead of just waiting for the video to escape people’s attention, I’m changing the format of this blog from a written medium to at least an auditory one, whether it would be a podcast or a new YouTube commentary channel, that remains to be seen. (Probably YouTube.)

Thirdly, after a bit of soul-searching (and yes, I do have a soul because shut up.), I stopped body sculpting for a while. Seeing all of the negativity towards transwomen with their male bits intact made me question for a while whether it would be worth it to even sculpt my body if no one would want to bang me. I was led to believe that a lot of people (my Creator included) found transwomen (shemales, dickgirls, futanaris, etc.) attractive. After seeing a slew of negative reactions to such people in real life, it made me question whether or not I wanted to continue to hold this sort of thing up as my ideal of beauty; and this stems from far further back than just recent events: for as far back as my Creator’s memories go, he’s always wanted to be a girl/woman. Not because he thought that women got preferential treatment, or that they could do practically anything and somehow get away with it, or even that it was and still is more acceptable for a women to do certain things than it was/is for a man to do, but because that girls and women got to wear whatever the fuck they wanted, but God forbid if a boy or man should ever even consider what it may be like to wear a skirt.

So I decided, “fuck it,” I’m going to wear whatever the fuck I want, and I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to my body, up to and including giving myself bigger breasts so I can fill out those tops and dresses that I want, and if anyone’s got a problem with that, they can kiss the darkest parts of my ass.

Sorry for all the vulgarities, this has been a long time coming, and I can’t think of a more efficient route to convey to amount of disgust, anger, anguish, anxiety, and depression that I feel in this situation. (Wow, that’s four out of the five Inside Out emotions, here’s to holding out for Joy.)

Lastly, since I got a new job that actually pays well and I don’t mind at all doing, I’m going to be removing the perks off of my Patreon account. I know, all 0 of you contributors are all broken up about it, I know. I will be setting up a PayPal tip jar instead, and if you want something commissioned, you can pay me through there, I’ll be sure to put my rates up on one of my social media platforms at some point. (It’ll probably be about $10-$20 for short stories less than 1000 words, to start off with.)

“But BT, what about the essays?”

I’ll still be writing them, just not as much. Remember, I’m switching gears, here. Most of my content I wrote on the premise of maybe putting them on my YouTube channel someday. If and when I do that, most of my stuff will be unscripted, and thus not written. But doing stuff like my multi-part essay on sexercises that probably too hot for YouTube to handle? Yeah, that will probably still be written up and posted on my WordPress.

I think that wraps up what I wanted to say with this, so until next time, dearies!

Intro to Sexercises

TL;DR: I’m talking about making your sexual organs bigger, you might want to actually read this one. Also, I found out something interesting about Kegels.




Originally, I had planned for this to be a small series of Tumblr posts detailing the techniques I’m using to sculpt the body that I want, aka a body that meets my personal opinions of what beauty is, but then the posts started running a little long and I figured that this sort of topic requires its own set of essays instead. Consider this essay your crash course in sexercises, and the future installments a sort of “how-to” manual.

Now, when people think of the term, “sexercises,” they’re more than likely going to be bombarded with images of workout routines involving sexual activities. They would not be wrong to think of that, since that is the essence of what sexercising is: just another fad to try and make working out more “fun,” no more different than jazzercising or napercising. That’s not the type of sexercising I’m speaking of. For the purposes of this and future essays that I will write on the subject, “sexercises” will be defined as “a series of exercises performed for the explicit purpose of enhancing sexual performance”. These exercises include, but of course aren’t limited to, Breast Massage and Penile Exercises. I could also make an argument for Yoga, and by extension Contortionism, but that’s a topic for another day.

So the first part of my sexercise routine involves Breast Massage, which is a natural way to increase the size of one’s boobs by increasing blood flow to the chesticles. How does that work? Well, in layman’s terms, increasing blood flow to an area slowly over time increases the size of the veins, which causes the body tissue to expand. Most breast enhancement techniques work off of this idea, including Taiwanese Breast Slapping, which was featured on an episode of Manswers (which is entertaining, but has zero rewatch value).

There are literally dozens of techniques from all over the world for enhancing your breast size, but for the sake of expediency, and lack of proper research into these other methods; I’ve only been focusing on two types of massage as a part of my routine: the Fat Transfer Massage, and the Chi Massage. The Fat Transfer Massage is one of the few outliers in Breast Massage techniques in that instead of increasing blood flow, it does exactly what it says on the tin: it transfers fat from one part of the body into the breasts. A technique that removes fat from your midriff and increases your breast size? You can’t lose with something like that! The Chi Massage, on the other hand, does work on the principles of increased blood circulation = bigger boobies, is simple to do, and improves chakra flow for those of you who care about that sort of thing (which, by the way, you should). The only downside that I can say about Chi Massage is that if you’re not used to doing it, your arms will get tired. I will be covering both techniques in my next essay on this topic, but for now, a quick Google or Duckduckgo search should take you right where you need to go.

Before I move on to natural penis enhancement, allow me to bring up another benefit of natural breast enhancement: you will never have to go under the knife to increase your booby size. You shouldn’t want to anyway, have you seen what plastic surgery does to your body? It’s horrible! Whether it’s to change your face or change your breasts, it’s better to be patient and go the natural route to be beautiful forever, rather than get surgery done to look good now, and like a Frankenstein’s monster in twenty to thirty years. So if you needed a moral from today’s essay, kiddies, if nothing else always remember this: never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever get plastic surgery. Ever.

Now, most natural breast enhancement techniques are well-researched and well-known, and there’s a lot of factual evidence to back them up, but natural penis enhancement? Hoo boy, some of the techniques may be just as old, but there is way more misinformation surrounding natural male enhancement than there is natural female enhancement.

So, with that said, let me clarify something very important: THERE IS NO MAGIC PILL THAT WILL MASSIVELY INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE IN LESS THAN A MONTH. There are, many, many more myths surrounding natural penis enhancement, but that’s the big one. If you see an ad promising to add six inches to the length of your penis in less than month without surgery (or any other similar claim), they’re lying to you; even if they have a picture of Ron Jeremy on there.

Here’s the truth: just like with breast enhancement, natural penis enhancement takes time and patience, and it’s never worth it to go under the knife. My Creator has already experimented with Penile Exercises in the past, and even following a workout regime almost perfectly for four to six months, they only managed to increase their length from 5.5” to 6.75” and their girth from 2.5” to 3.75”. It may not seem like much of an increase, but they went from being unable to hit a G-spot to hitting it almost every time. My goal’s to at least hit the minimum length that you need to be a Porn Star: 8”. I’ll have a line going out the door! ❤

Now, continuing on, Penile Exercises and Breast Massage may target two entirely different organs, but the goal is still the same: increasing the blood flow to increase the tissue size of the organ. For Penile Exercises, these techniques include Stretches and Jelqing, which increase length and girth, respectively. I touch on them in more detail later, but because of all of the misinformation out there about natural penis enhancement, I’ll touch on both techniques real quick so there’s no confusion about what I’m talking about.

First, Stretching is exactly what it sounds like: you tug on your penis in different directions for a set amount of time in order to “stretch” the penis out to a longer length. This is also great if you have what’s colloquially known as a “banana” penis, where the curvature of a man’s erection curves too much (like a banana), thus making sex either impossible or unenjoyable. Stretching the penis is a great way to straighten it out! I’ll touch on this more when I talk about the specifics.

Second, and more well-known, is Jelqing. No one knows who came up with Jelqing, where it came from, and why anyone would even think to use such a technique for male enhancement, but hey, I’m not complaining, and neither should you. Jelqing, for those of you who don’t know, involves gripping the penis in an “okay” sign or a pincer grip at the base of the penis, and still gripping tightly, moving the fingers from the base up to right underneath the head. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking, “Wait, didn’t doctors disapprove of this practice?” Yes they did, but not for the reasons you think. You see, us westerners living in the first world have a mentality of, “Well, this worked, so if I do it more, it should work even more, right?” This makes about as much since as trying to do too much weight at the gym, too soon; or taking more pills for something, when you could overdose, if you’re not too careful. Men got this idea into their heads and tried to do too many Jelqs, too soon. They went to their doctors, complaining that their dicks hurt and bring up Jelqing, and their doctors said, “Well, no shit, it’s Jelqing that’s making your dick hurt! Stop Jelqing altogether and the pain will stop.”

And that’s how the myth that Jelqing’s bad for you got started. When it comes to Jelqing, you need to pace yourself and give your penis time to heal, just like with any other muscle-building exercise. Because at the end of the day, we may call our erections “boners,” but the penis has no bones in it; it’s all muscle!

Again, I’ll touch more on the topic when I bring up my Penile Exercises essay.

Finally, there’s an exercise that people with a penis or a vagina can enjoy: Kegels. Kegels are the easiest sexercise you can do. So much so, I’m going to tell you how to do it right now, so you can get some kind of practical experience out of this essay. The best part: you can do these anywhere, anytime, while doing anything. To do a Kegel, all you need to do is activate your pelvic floor muscles, you know the group of muscles right between your organ and your anus?

Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Okay, go the restroom and pee, and then stop the stream. Feel those muscles tightening up down there? Those are your pelvic floor muscles, and congratulations, you just performed a Kegel! Now don’t make doing Kegels while urinating a regular thing, as that can lead to problems while urinating and eventually a urinary tract infection. This was just to demonstrate how to contract these muscles.

Now, when you first start out, you should hold a Kegel for a count of three and release for a count of three. That’s one repetition. Keep going until you’ve done 10 repetitions. As you progress, you should practice until you can hold a Kegel for a count of ten. Your ultimate goal is to do three sets of ten reps per day. You should also do these on an empty bladder.

In women, the benefits of Kegels keep the pelvic floor strong, which prevents organs that the pelvic floor supports from lowering into her vagina, which other than being uncomfortable, this can lead to urinary incontinence. So yeah, work that pelvic floor, ladies, because last I checked, incontinence was not sexy. But what does it do for you in regards to sex? Well, Kegels help relax the vaginal muscles, thus allowing you to be more open and shove larger objects up there (wink wink, nudge nudge). It also increases sexual arousal, improves your ability to reach orgasm, improves blood circulation to the vagina, and increases vaginal tone and lubrication.

In men, the weakening of the pelvic floor can lead to incontinence of urine and feces, especially if the poor sap’s had prostate surgery. Guys, being incontinent isn’t sexy for y’all, either. On the sexual side of things, Kegels help with maintaining, harder, stronger erections (helps out with erectile dysfunction), more powerful ejaculations (helps out with premature ejaculations), better orgasms, maintaining your anus, if you’re into receiving, helps keep your prostate healthy, and with the proper training, multiple orgasms. Yeah, I bet that last one got your attention. Even I didn’t know that one until I looked it up to double-check my info. Glad I did.

But that should be more than enough info for now, I went over the basics, and I plan on covering them more in-depth in future essays. Also this essay’s creeping up on three pages long, which is way longer than most people are willing to read casually these days. Hopefully, those of you who like me and what I have to say won’t mind in the future.

So, I’ll write you all later, I’m off to do some Kegels! ❤

No Essay this Week

No essay due to the fact that my Creator needs an abode from which we need to stay in, and there’s an inspection due on the week starting on May 21.

UPDATE 5/28/17: We did pass the inspection, and the only reason I’m posting this to WordPress is to keep my Patreon and my WordPress posts staggered. I know not everyone’s keeping up with my Patreon right now, but for only $5 you can be one week ahead of everyone else, and pretty soon that’s not going to just be essays, see below.

So here’s an update to keep y’all coming:

I’ve started a new series of essays about sexercises, you’ll see the first one next week.
I’ve finished the first part of a fanfiction series I think a good chunk of people might like, it just needs to be edited and typed onto a computer.
I’ve started my sexercises, but due to the fact that I’m having an issue making sure I do them, my goal for this week is to make what I’m already trying to do a habit.

That’s about it for this week, check in next time for a really well-done essay. Seriously, I’m kind of proud of this one.

Sex Vs Gender

TL;DR: There is a difference between biological sex and gender identity that everyone is getting wrong.


P.S. I’m sorry for this being out late, there’s stuff going on in my life that prevented me from posting this when I wanted. I’ll try to avoid this in the future.




I thought that I didn’t need to bring this up. I really didn’t, but apparently it seems that so many of the people that claim to be a part of the LGBTQ community don’t understand basic science. I mean, how hard is it to get a hold on this particular topic? I’m a cartoon caricature of a hermaphrodite human body with a 90’s IBM computer monitor for a head, and I find the differences between biological sex and gender identity to be almost ridiculously simple to understand when one has done the proper research – and I don’t mean looking it up on Wikipedia and then pretending that I have all the answers. I do my research, and even I don’t have all the answers half the time and to do otherwise is to demonstrate a level of hubris equal to that of a Saiyan Prince.

In fact, my creator only identifies as genderfluid for the purposes of convenient shorthand, as well as the fact that terms such as “transvestite” and “crossdresser” carry too many negative connotations even to this day, even though if they would just indulge that niggling thought in the back of their mind, they would find that they are truly genderfluid. Why else would they choose a nonbinary cyborg as their avatar?

Mind-blowing self-realizations aside, I’m putting aside my first of many reviews of the Kama Sutra because as I was surfing Tumblr the other day, I ran across an argument between two SJWs (I know, shocking, they actually fight against each other as much as they do everyone else!) over the differences between gender and biological sex, and another similar meme on Facebook about not announcing an infant’s “gender” because they aren’t able to pick one yet. As soon as I saw them, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to let it go until I wrote something about it.

So let’s face facts people, there is a difference between biological sex and gender identity, and it’s important to understand the distinctions between them and other topics.

First, let’s talk about biological sex; apparently, people who identify as a different gender want to forget what they even were originally and get pissed when other people bring it up. Guys and gals, let’s make this clear: you cannot ever change your biological sex because you were born with it, period; and when you need medical attention, your doctor’s not going to care about your oh-so-precious “feelings” because they’re trying to save your life, and in order to do so they’re going to need to know your medical history, which includes things like your biological sex, blood type, allergies, and what drugs you’ve got in your system (pharmaceutical and otherwise). Seriously, what matters more to you? Your life or your (false) pride?

While we’re on the subject, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the fact that there are technically six sexes if we go based on X and Y chromosomes, the combinations being XX, XY (male and female), XXY (Down Syndrome), XYY, XXYY, and XXXY. One or two out of the last three have particular Syndromes/Diseases attached to them, but I’ve forgotten what they are, but it hardly matters for this argument, because I’m not about to start saying that Down Syndrome is its own sex. I don’t think the people living with Down Syndrome would appreciate it very much, and most people fall under the first two anyways.

Now, about gender identity; after much thought and consideration I have finally come to a conclusion as to how to classify the idea in my data banks. Much like BDSM, bondage, exhibitionism/voyeurism, age play, or yiffing, gender identity is a fantasy. Yeah, I went there, but there are a few reasons why I’ve come to this conclusion.

First, there is a difference between truly transgender people and people going around saying they’re “identifying” as different genders, aka “trans-trenders”. To find that difference, we need only look at one thing: publicity. The fact of the matter is, transgender people have existed and lived alongside everyone else for at least as far back as Ancient Egypt; why else would there be a law in Leviticus preventing the Hebrews from wearing the clothes of the opposite gender? Not to mention that the Kama Sutra makes a reference to men who had modified their bodies to appear more feminine as well! So why don’t we hear about these ancient transgendered people? Because they hid in plain sight, because not only was the persecution for being a transgender person worse back in the day, but they also lived the type of lifestyle they wanted without making too much of a fuss about it.

Fast forward to 2017, and it’s still the same. Hiding the fact that they’re transgender has gotten harder over the years, but those true transgender people rarely, if ever, come out to the world. Need more proof? Alright, a little while back, Trump reversed the executive order that made it legal for anyone who identified as the opposite gender to use that gender’s particular public restroom. All of the trans-trenders took to the news, television, and YouTube by storm saying what a great travesty it was for such a thing to occur, but any true transgender person (including myself) reacted to this whole mess with a passive “meh;” because us real transgender folk have been and will continue to use which ever restroom we want, the law be damned, because that’s what transgender people have been doing since the invention of gender-segregated public restrooms. Anyone else is just following the trend because they want to feel noticed and special because they lead pathetically lonely lives.

Next, the number of genders that people have created for themselves is just absolutely insane. Last I checked, it was seventy-eight, but by now it’s probably well over a hundred, and I have long since ceased to care about it. Look, I (and any other sensible thinking person) don’t care if you identify as a nonbinary ghost pirate robot dolphin banana Pringle graph, or any other laughably stupid gender; largely because this whole thing has spiraled out of control. If you guys and gals want people to take your gender seriously, then everyone needs to agree on a universal scale upon which one’s gender and sex may be appropriately identified without confusing everyone else. The model I propose is one based off of the beliefs of the Navajo, where the gender spectrum and biological sex are both combined as a single model:

Gender ID

Masculine                    Feminine         Gender                        Masculine        Feminine

Male                            Female             Neutral                        Female             Male


No matter what somebody chooses as their gender, it can fit in this spectrum; unless they have a bat-shit insane gender, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Where does Genderfluid exist in this model? I don’t know, maybe Gender Neutral or a sex with the opposite energy, both arguments could theoretically work, but here’s a fun fact to make up for that: in Navajo culture, only Gender Neutral people could be shamans. Cool, right?

Now on to the final topic: gender dysphoria. Yeah, there was no way that we were talking about gender identity without bringing this up, but the fact of the matter is that anyone who legitimately thinks that their gender doesn’t match their biological sex that they were born with has gender dysphoria, and everyone else is faking it because they think it’s cool. Guys and gals, it’s never cool to pretend that you have a mental illness, ever. Anyone who has gender dysphoria should see a psychiatrist, no ifs, ands, or buts about it; and yes, that includes yours truly. But that’s the final difference between truly transgender people and the trans-trenders who are faking it. We have a mental illness, but you know what? We own that, and we don’t let it run or ruin our lives.

As for the bullcrap genders (I’m looking at you, kins), seriously, if you really think you’re a nonbinary ghost pirate robot dolphin banana Pringle graph, you need psychiatric help, not surgery. As a matter of fact, because people are no longer treating gender dysphoria as a mental illness, but as something that can be fixed with a few nips and tucks, the suicide rate of transgenders has shot up to more than 40%. That’s a troubling statistic guys; we’re not that big of a community to begin with, trannies literally make up 1% of 1% of the American population. I’d prefer it if you guys would stay alive. And if you’re faking it just to be cool, stop it. You’re making the rest of us look bad.

And stop trying to push your kids into a different gender identity, if they have gender dysphoria, you’ll see the signs: they hate wearing the clothes synonymous with their gender, they’ll continuously try to wear the clothing of the opposite gender (which is easy for girls/women, not so much for boys/men), they’ll want to play with the toys associated with the opposite gender, and if left neglected can lead to self bodily harm – there are plenty of horror stories of parents walking in on their little boys trying to cut their penises off. My creator was lucky, or perhaps unlucky, enough that they were able to seal such thoughts away because their desire to fit in outweighed their desire to be themselves. Being transgender wasn’t exactly popular in the 90’s. But even with that said, let kids be themselves; they’ll pick a gender when they’re ready and not a moment before, and if you try to push your narrative down their throats, it’s going to wind up biting you in the ass.

At the end of the day, gender identity is a fantasy, and like all fantasies, it’s fun to indulge in it once in a while, but someone, sometime, somewhere is going to remind you that you have to accept reality, whether you like it or not. Much like submissives who don’t want the fantasy to end, wearing their collars in inappropriate places, and begging their masters to humiliate them in public: gender identity is very much the same way, there is a time and a place for it, and you might as well get used to people bringing reality back up, because that’s what’s always going to happen. Reality sucks, get used to it, you’ll be happier and less stressed out that way.

On a final note, guys and gals, stop freaking out when someone you’ve never met quote-unquote “assumes your gender”. The LGBTQ community only makes up 1% of the United States’ total population, and transgender people only make up 1% of that number (and most of them are trenders), so there’s pretty much 1 transgender person for every 10,000 people. Someone’s bound to screw it up, so be nice, and calmly explain the situation to the stranger, and maybe, just maybe, everyone will stop treating all of us like we’re nucking futs. And yes, queer people are a part of the LGBTQ community, get used to it.

I’m sorry if it seems like I’m repeating myself, but I wanted to cover all of my bases in this essay, so that I would hopefully not have to write another on the same subject.


‘Till next week, dearies!

Identifications: The Big One

TL;DR: Being a Christian is not as restrictive or repressive as everyone has been led to believe it is.


I really don’t want to talk about this one. With all of the anti-Semitism and Christian hate going around, I just know that I’m going to be flooded with comments and emails from misguided SJWs trying to stand up for their twisted idea of what equality is and all that stuff, trying to bash my head in with their stupidity. It really sounds like too much trouble to go through, but if any of what I’m spewing out of my mouth is going to make any sense to anyone, I have to address the elephant in the room.

But on the other hand, if I address the elephant in the room, I’m probably going to piss off a bunch of misguided Christians as well, as I’m bringing their beliefs into question and no one likes being told that what they’ve been told all their lives is mostly a lie. So I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I can see why my creator wanted to be anonymous, and thus separate from all of this. I’d create an alternate me, too, but then that robot would create another one, and so on and nothing would get done about this, so I may as well do it and get it over with.

So, after reading my introductory post, the biggest thing you’re probably wondering is, “How in the nine circles of hell are you all of these things AND a Christian??” The answer is pretty simple, actually: I’ve actually read and studied a good deal of the Bible, practically cover to cover and know more than what most pew-warmers would ever discover in their lifetimes, because they only read the parts of the Bible that they’re supposed to on Sunday morning only to forget it after lunch. I’ve also read, watched, and listened to a lot of supplementary works that are about the Bible, which you would know if you checked out my Bibliography (which will be uploaded soon, I promise.). And what I know about the Bible contradicts conventional belief. But why would anyone be surprised about that? Christianity is basically going through what Judaism went through in Yeshua’s (read Jesus’s) time, in that the faith has been corrupted by the modern equivalent of Sadducees and Pharisees. In other words, contemporary Christians only follow the rules whenever it suits them, make up excuses when they don’t, and even make up new rules entirely to spite those that they deem “sinful”. Anyone who isn’t blind and has two brain cells to rub together can pretty much see that.

Need a few examples? Well, more than happy to oblige!

“Homosexuality is a sin!” This is a big one, especially if you’re bisexual like I am. Everyone bases this on a certain verse in the Book of Leviticus. You know the one, “A man will not lie with another man, for it is an abomination before God,” etc. Sounds pretty cut and dry, right? Except it’s not; in the original Greek, this passage refers instead for men to not have sex with boys. But don’t tell that to King James, the writer of the first English translation of the Bible! He was prejudiced against homosexuals and anything that could be construed as magic, which may or may not have included any Christians who performed actual miracles at the time. I could go on, but this is a topic best reserved for another essay.

“Same-sex marriage does not follow the traditional Christian model!” Neither does divorce, but thank God that changed, otherwise we would have a bunch of King Henry’s walking around, having their wives killed once they got tired of them (On all sides of the gender spectrum, I’m sure.). Seriously, do we hold the kind of authority to deny homosexual couples a chance to be happy or to have the same civil rights as other married couples?

“Abortion is a sin!” Nowhere in the Bible does it explicitly state that, the closest it gets is in the Book of Ruth, when a man strikes a pregnant woman out of anger in the stomach, causing her to have a miscarriage. Now don’t get me wrong, I think that abortion is a cruel, evil, and often selfish action if done for any other reason than for the health of the mother and/or baby, but I will fight for your right to have one, because it’s not my body and therefore not my business what you do with it.

There’s more, but that covers the ones that people are screaming the most about today. But I believe I have a better grasp of what a proper Christian is, and it is this:

  1. Love God with all your Body, Mind, and Soul.
  2. Believe that he sent his only Son, Yeshua Immanuel ib’n Joseph of the Tribe of Judah to die for our sins and to take him into your heart by praying the Sinner’s Prayer.
  3. Treat others how you would like to be treated, aka the “Golden Rule,” or as the Bible likes to put it: “Love your Neighbor as Yourself.”
  4. Everything else is commentary.

No seriously. One of my favorite descriptions of the Bible is from the pages of “How to Kill a Mockingbird,” in which one of the characters tells the protagonist that the Bible is a lot like alcohol: it affects everyone differently. Some people drink to excess; others want to abstain from it entirely. As for me, I’m squarely in the middle, I’ll drink until I get that nice, buzzed feeling and then stop because I don’t want to puke Bible all over the place and get a splitting headache and otherwise be a complete and total ass to everyone I meet, but I also don’t want to be that square who is an absolute bore to be around because I don’t want to try anything on account of me being a pretentious and pompous asshole.

To top this all off, as a Christian I am not bound by the old, aka Mosaic, laws. Yeah, at least twice in the New Testament, it is clearly stated that since Christians are now covered by the New Covenant with God, paid for with the blood of his only child, we are no longer bound by the laws of the Old Covenant with Abraham. Which means all those rules set up in Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy? They’ve been all rendered moot. Much like the Code in Pirates of the Caribbean, they’re more like guidelines than actual rules now. Not to say you should ignore them entirely, but there’s a reason why it’s okay for us to eat bacon now. For more info on that, read Acts 10, preferably in the NIV translation, it’s the most accurate. Yes, the entire chapter, I want everything to be in context.

And if you want to follow those rules, you go right on ahead. As the Bible says, to each man’s faith, let it be unto him, but if you do, don’t you dare go around calling yourself a Christian because there’s already a religion that follows those rules exclusively: The Jews. No really, the Torah that makes up the Jewish Holy Book is just the first five books of the Bible, and they’re required to follow those rules.

But how does this have to do with sex? Have the rules really changed? Yes they have, and if it would please the court, for evidence I’d like to bring up a group of Christians who went to an orgy. Yeah, and you know, for all the time that parents scream and yell about violence and sex in the media, they don’t seem to have a problem with their kids’ reading the most violent and sexually explicit book ever written. Anyways, they wrote to Paul about it, and he wrote back. He was pretty pissed off at them. Not that they had participated in an orgy, oh no, but that the orgy was done as a ritual celebration to the Greek Goddess Aphrodite. Whoops. He didn’t give two shits whether they had had sex or not, but to whom the sex was dedicated to.

But to be fair to that particular church, anyone who was caught being a Christian during that time were usually imprisoned, put to death, or worse (Like that stopped Paul, he died at least 11 times. John, who wrote Revelations, was left on a deserted island because people got tired of killing him.). It wasn’t until 100 AD when Constantine latched onto the religion and put into motion most of the things that have basically ruined Christianity today, including giving Christianity an “official” temple and pretty much molded Christianity into being more like the other religions of the time period, focusing more on the “mysteries” of the faith, rather than the message of the Good News of the Gospel.

That’s why I say people can be Christians and still be a hundred of other things, because real Christians who are covered by the New Covenant really only have three rules (which I covered above). So long as you have your Fire Insurance (haha), you’re good in my book. Everything else is between you and God, and none of my business.

Anyways, that covers the broad strokes, but for everything else, I’ll cover them when I get to that particular topic. For my next post I’d like to cover something a little less personal, and if I’m going to be running a blog about sexual topics, there are several, rather obvious milestones I’m going to have to cover.

Until next time, dears, this has been B00B TUB3. Be sure to follow me on Tumblr to see how my sexual transformation is going! 🙂

No Essay this Week

TL;DR: Read the title.

I gotta stay true to my future Patrons. If you want my essay a week early, now and forevermore, you can get them by donating $5 or more on my Patreon! Links are on the bottom of my blog!

If you want regular updates on my personal journey on becoming a more sexual being, please follow me on tumblr. I’d post them here, but I want my “official” blog to stay nice and tidy!

Sad that there’s nothing to see this week? Don’t worry, I’ve got an editorial in the works. Hopefully, it will be done by mid-week!

That’s all I’ve got to say for now, y’all be good now! ❤

Who Am I?

TL;DR: It’s complicated.


Hello, there. My name is Boob Tube (B.T., for short), a name that my creator thinks is rather amusing, given its connotation(s), as well as what they wish for me to blog about in their stead, and as much as I’d like to dive right into that, I’m sure you’re all wondering just what that is and why they’re getting me to do it for them. So, perhaps some context is in order.

My creator has been thinking that they need a new platform recently, something from which they may blog about sexual topics and their own sexual transformation anonymously, because they need an outlet and their family certainly isn’t going to provide it for them. They’ve already had to cut ties with their aunt and uncle recently, due to reasons that are no one’s business but their own, and while they admittedly do not care for that loss, they do not wish to suffer the same fate as far as their biological father and grandmother are concerned. They claim that they do not wish to cause family-shattering drama for their mother’s sake, who they promised that they wouldn’t do so.

So they created me to be their anonymous voice on the internet and shout alongside the roaring masses into the void in the vain hope that they (which is to say that I) will be heard; a needle willingly hurling itself into the haystack. What else is new?

But as they created me, I cannot reveal their face, name, or even their voice to anyone yet; so asking that you listen to me without any context as to who or what they are would be about as effective as the blind leading the blind. After all, they’re no Pinball Wizard, and there would be lots of stops, smacking into walls, and stubbed toes, as well as inane questions such as “Where are we going?” and “Are we there yet?” But as luck would have it, I am regularly uploaded with my creator’s memories, so as to create a more positive reading experience for those of you who find a cartoon character talking to you more enjoyable, and to set up a more stable foundation from which I may build a platform, thus preventing all that harm that would have otherwise affected us all. Ironically, by rendering them anonymous through my interface, I can tell you much more about my creator than if I had simply told you their name.

In a sentence, they are (and by extension, I am) a Bisexual, Polyamorous, Genderfluid, Spirit-Filled, Born Again Christian with Asperger’s Syndrome, as well as having Exhibitionist and BDSM Kinks in an Open Relationship with their Wife, and enjoys all manner of things, including (but not necessarily limited to) Books, Comics, Music, Television, Movies, Video Games, and Tabletop Games. Which says a lot about us that most people would find contradicting, but makes perfect sense to my creator and me, and hopefully it’ll make sense to you as you get to know us as well. Oh, and the only reason I didn’t bring up our political leanings in that extensive list is because that isn’t what this blog is meant to be about (even though gender and sexuality is a bit of a politically charged subject right now.), and I think it would just make many of your heads explode, which is tempting in itself, but I shall maintain a modicum of self-control for everyone’s sake. This blog is about the issues we have with sexuality and how it is depicted in this lovely country that is the United States as well as the transformations that they wish to make as a sexual being (And given that I am their avatar, in a way I am representative of what that might be). My creator will be saving their political rants for the blog their family knows that they have; the name of which I will not divulge here, for fear of people exposing the wrong family members to this blog.

I’ll also touch on each of our “Identifications,” but this particular post is not the place for that, as it would quickly become the size of a small novel. Just trust in that I will touch on each of them, how we realize they sound contradicting to other people, and talk in great detail how my creator came to the conclusion that they aren’t; hopefully making you realize the same thing and thus making the world a more happy, peaceful, and tolerable as well as tolerating place.

But for now this will suffice as an introduction to the why and who of this blog. I will be making more posts soon and often (at least once a week). I will also be providing a Bibliography page, so those of you who would like to read, see, or hear some of the things that made us who we are today, you will be able to do so.

Also, if you would scroll down to the bottom of my blog, you’ll find links to my social media platforms, as well as a link to my Patreon! If you like (or since this is the first post, if you think you’ll like) my blog, then please show your support by giving me some money so I can afford fuel and WD-40.

Until then, have a lovely day!




And death to all humans 😉